"My Son is Bullying Me"

"My son is very angry with me and wants to see me only to get money. He is demanding and actually a bit bullying about it. He is almost 18 but will not look for a part time job, or give me help I could do with.  He lives with his father and father's new partner.  His father agrees with me that I should not give him money at the moment. I really don't have money to spare right now though in priniciple I would like to support him but I don't want to when his attitude to me is like this."

As a counsellor I would say.... underneath anger there is always hurt and sadness. Boys and young men are not good at expressing this.  It is interesting that today I was also speaking with a mother of an adopted son, who has had a suicidal episode. It looks like quite a different issue but it is also to do with anger and sadness.

We don't really equip children, especially boys, to speak openly about their feelings. They just "muddle through".... or perhaps they don't.  It feels to me that right now, your son wants to use you as an emotional punch bag and nothing you do will please him.  You are so right to follow your gut feeling.  For now, giving him money would be seen by him as a sign of weakness and that his aggressive tactics pay off.  Not a learning you want to reinforce, I am sure!

It is a little tricky over money, which he may have a little bit of justifiable resentment over. But you know what you have spent on him all through his childhood, you know what his father's financial position is and this allowance will stop in a few months anyway.

In the near future he is starting University. He is probably frightened about this change and about his fast approaching adulthood. It is as if he wants to prove he is powerful by putting pressure on you.  He needs to draw in his horns and focus his energy in a different way.   He also wants to be distant from you and probably hurt you in the way he has felt hurt probably through a misunderstanding.  You have to hold on to the fact that underneath this bravado there is still the lovely young boy, your son, who is adorable and loves you deeply.  He is just in hiding.

Have patience, it will all work out for the best.

And the Holy Spirit  says:

Trust in my Love and Light in this situation. As I shared with you,  he, your son, is within you.  He only appears to be separate and hostile.  See this as a cry for Love, as if it is your cry for Love.  All I need from you is a little willingness to see the situation differently.  Ask for my help, don't force your love or your kindness.

Even as you set the boundaries you need to set, humanly speaking, do it with Love and blessing for both of you.  Put your effort into reconnecting with your joy, My light within you. Remember, there is only ever one problem, that you believe you are separate from Me.  You know that is impossible. I am with you, and with your son, always.  And so it is.